If You're Gone
by Obi the Kid
Summary: When Obi is lost on a mission, Qui is left on Courasant to worry.


  
Okay guys, I know this story will beg for a sequel, and I have a plan to do one if you like this one. It'll be about Obi's recovery. So let me know if you are up for it. No time frame as to when I will get it written though. A few weeks probably.  
  
Title: If You're Gone  
Author: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)  
Rating: PG (non-slash)  
Archive: Sure, just drop me e-mail.  
Summary: 5 years pre-TPM, (angst, H/C) Obi is lost on a mission, Qui is left on Courascant to wonder what happened.  
Disclaimer: The boys belong to George, as usual. Healer Tren, Knight Bental and the Planet of   
Ventar 6 are mine.  
NOTE: This was inspired by Obi, who is a regular on the Jedi Towers and Ewan/Obi boards. I took the idea and ran with it. Thanks Obi!!!  
  
A huge thank you to all you guys who have offered me suggestions, story ideas, and any kind of feedback, I really appreciate it !!!  
  
// indicates telepathy  
**and Italics indicate thoughts  
===========================  
  
If You're Gone  
  
"If you're gone  
Maybe it's time to come home  
There's a little bit of something me  
in everything in you."-----Rob Thomas (Matchbox Twenty)  
  
  
**If you're gone, how do I move on?"  
If you're gone, why do I still feel you at my side?**  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn moved his large frame slowly to the balcony of his Jedi Temple quarters. Unable to  
walk without pain, and without the assistance of a cane, he struggled to where he needed to be. A month ago he had taken a shot in the back from enemy blaster fire. He had spent these last weeks learning how to walk again, while also fighting another demon; the disappearance of his beloved student, Obi-Wan Kenobi.  
  
After searching the stars with his eyes for a few moments, he came to a decision. Packing for the trip to Ventar 6 would take some time, but he could no longer sit back and wait. The one person,   
who meant more to him than his own life was missing and presumed dead.   
  
//Hold on padawan, I will find you.//  
  
As Qui-Gon was packing, there was a chime at the door.  
  
"Come."  
  
The door hissed open and Mace Windu walked in. Mace saw his friend preparing the travel bag,  
  
"Where in Sith's hell do you think you are going?"  
  
Qui-Gon continued his task. "I am going to that blasted planet to find Obi-Wan. He's alive, I   
can feel it."  
  
"You are not serious. Qui-Gon, you took blaster fire in the back, you can barely walk, much less   
join a search team."  
  
"I am fine Mace. I need to find him."  
  
The dark-skinned Jedi Master was losing his patience with Jinn. Kenobi was dead; Yoda had felt   
his death. For the past three weeks Qui-Gon had been nothing but a thorn in the Council's side   
about his missing apprentice.   
  
The Council had sent a 5-member search team to the planet, but there was no sign of the young   
Jedi. The Knight who had been assigned to the mission with Kenobi, Knight Bental, had been found   
two weeks ago. From what the team could tell, he had been tortured and then killed. The search   
team believed that whoever killed Bental, had taken young Kenobi with them. After seeing what the savages had done to Bental, they held out little hope that Obi-Wan would be found. But the search continued, for Qui-Gon's sake if nothing else. The search team leader, Master Nef Sudra was an old friend of Jinn's and was aware of how important Kenobi was to him. So he vowed to find the young Jedi, dead or alive.  
  
Mace moved closer to his friend. "Qui-Gon, you know you are on light duty for the next month, the healers will not allow you to leave the planet. I will not allow it."  
  
"Mace please, I need to do this..." Qui-Gon's eyes pleaded.  
  
As his tone softened, Mace sat down next to his fellow Jedi on the couch. "Qui, he's gone...Yoda   
felt his passing, as did I. You need to let him go, move on."  
  
Ignoring the pain in his back, Qui-Gon stood up, reaching for his full height. "NO!!! He is not dead!!  
I don't know whose death you felt, but it was not Obi-Wan's. I can still feel him Mace. I would have known if he was gone. Why can I still feel him near if..."  
  
Mace stood next to Jinn, "You know that a master doesn't always feel the death of an apprentice.   
You still feel him because you refuse to let him go. It's time Qui, he's gone."  
  
"He's alive, I know he is."  
  
Realizing this was a losing battle; Mace could only shake his head. He couldn't get through. "I know how much this boy means to you Qui, I really do...."  
  
"He's not a boy Mace, he is my student, my padawan...my son. I cannot abandon him. I will not. If   
I must leave the Order to search for him, I will, but I will not leave him to suffer the same fate as Bental."  
  
"This mission was a mistake. We should never have sent Jedi. We did not understand completely,   
the tensions on the planet.  
  
With that, Qui-Gon exploded. " A MISTAKE !!! A Knight is dead, my padawan is force knows where, and all you can say is that the mission was a mistake!!!"  
  
Windu began pacing the room. " Look Qui-Gon, I know you're hurting..."  
  
"Don't patronize me Mace, I don't want to hear it. The Council screwed up, just admit it !!! You  
had no idea what was going on down on that planet, it's wasn't just a misunderstanding of the tensions.   
You knew that, but you sent them anyway didn't you?"  
  
Qui-Gon was rolling now, and he was furious. "Get out Mace !! Please, just get out, before I do something I'll regret later."  
  
Windu went to protest, but was silenced.  
  
"Just leave Mace...go...please...." The Jedi left Jinn's quarters without another word.   
====================  
  
Yoda and Mace Windu stood across from each other, the taller Jedi began pacing again as he addressed the other.  
  
"He's lost it, he won't let go...I don't know...maybe he can't let go. The bond they have is too strong.  
I think it's been unhealthy for Jinn. He still thinks the boy is alive."  
  
Yoda nodded. "Still feels his padawan, he does. Not unusual this is for a master to seek closure."  
  
"He's angry, frustrated. I can't talk any sense into him. He's threatened to leave the Order if he cannot be allowed to go help in the search."  
  
"Hurting he is. Time he needs. We must be patient. Not easy is it to lose an apprentice."  
  
Finally stopping his pacing, Windu turned to Yoda. "There's no word from the search team. Kenobi   
is dead, there is nothing more that can be done."  
  
The diminutive green master bowed his head. "Healing cannot begin until found Kenobi is. Only   
then, move on, my padawan will."  
====================  
  
**If you're gone, why can I still hear you?  
If you're gone, why do I not mourn your passing?**  
  
Qui-Gon attempted to sleep that night, but as had been the case for the past few weeks, sleep   
was elusive.  
  
He needed to find his center if he was to have the strength required to board the ship tomorrow   
for Ventar 6. Perhaps he could find that strength in meditation. He was always instilling in his padawan, the importance of meditation, it was time he practiced what he preached.  
  
But first, there was something he needed to do.  
  
He'd been avoiding Obi-Wan's room since his disappearance. Now he needed to deal with the pain   
head on. Entering the room and taking a seat on the bed, he allowed his eyes to take everything in. The room was a mess, as usual. No matter how many times he had told the boy to clean it up. The words seemed to go in one ear and out the other. He was a teenager. Teenagers tended to have minds of their own.   
  
//Teenager? You're not a teenager anymore are you? You're birthday was a week ago. Have you   
been with me that long? Has is been almost 8 years now? I didn't realize how much I would miss   
your presence in my life. How much it would hurt to lose you.//  
  
Qui-Gon picked up the rock he had given to his apprentice on his 13th birthday. Obi-Wan had left it lying on his nightstand. Running his thumb over its smooth surface, the Jedi felt the force pulsing through it. And all these years, he had thought it to be, 'just a rock.' He wondered why Obi-Wan   
had chosen to leave it behind for this mission.  
  
The normally stoic master was finding it difficult to keep his emotions under control. Should he   
mourn his student? Should he let go as Mace had said...say a final goodbye?  
  
//No ! You are still with me Obi-Wan, I know you are. I will not mourn what I have not lost. And   
I have not lost you.//  
  
Still holding the rock, Qui-Gon slipped to his knees, and into a meditative position. Calling on the force, he reached out for his apprentice. With everything he had left, he reached to try and   
find him.  
  
//Obi-Wan, can you hear me? I can still feel you padawan. Can you reach out to me? Find your   
focus Obi-Wan, reach out to the Force, grab its energy. The search team is there, but you need   
to help them. They can't find you. Reach out padawan. Remember, the Force can be your guide.//   
  
//I promised you that I would always be there, that I would never leave you alone. I seem to have failed in my promise. But I will be here when you get home.//  
  
//I need to see that quirky smile of yours. I need to hear that sarcastic tone of your voice when   
we pick up another stray, or as you like to call them, 'pathetic life forms.'//  
  
//If you're gone, who will be there to stand by my side when I go against the council. To stand   
with me when no others will. //   
  
//There is so much more I need to teach you Obi-Wan, so much more that I can learn from you.   
I'm not ready to let you go. I cannot let you go.//  
  
//Reach out my son, don't let go. I am here. Focus on me. Focus on your training. I am here   
padawan. I will not give up on you, but you have to reach out.//  
  
Exhausted by the day, Qui-Gon, pulled himself from his meditation place on the floor and relaxed   
into the comfort of Obi-Wans bed, and for the first in many nights, he fell into a deep sleep.  
===================  
  
A loud beeping noise brought the master Jedi back to consciousness. The comm-link on his belt  
was sounding relentlessly.  
  
"Jinn here."  
  
Mace Windu was the voice on the other end. "Qui-Gon, there is a transmission coming in from   
Ventar 6. You presence is requested."  
  
Sliding out of the bed, Qui-Gon replied before signing off. "I'm on my way."  
  
He heart ached as he carefully made his way down the Temple halls. He feared hearing the news   
that he figured was coming. 'Kenobi was dead.' He refocused when he found Mace there to met him halfway. "How's your back?"  
  
"Don't ask...who's reporting in?"  
  
"Master Sudra."  
====================  
Mace patched the transmission through. "Here Qui, it's coming in now."   
  
Master Nef Sudra appeared on the screen.  
  
"Masters, we have good news, we have found Padawan Kenobi and we are on our way home."   
  
Sudra saw the instant relief on Jinns face. He and Qui-Gon had known each other for quite a few years and the green-skinned Jedi was well of the emotions that had been, and still were tearing his friend apart. He addressed Jinn directly.  
  
"Qui, he'll be okay. Healer Tren has checked him over. He's been through a lot, they did a number   
on him, but nothing that time and therapy won't cure. Emotionally, he's a bit out of it. Seems he was forced to witness the torture and death of Knight Bental. He doesn't say much about what happened, but it's gotten to him. You'll have to help him through that. He is conscious and he's been asking for you."  
  
Qui-Gon fought to hold back the tears that were threatening. "Nef, please tell him that I am here   
and will be waiting for him when the ship lands."  
  
"Will do Qui. Our ETA is 29 hours. We will notify you when we get closer to home, anything else?"  
  
Taking a deep breath to center himself, he nodded, "Yes, tell him that I love him, and will see him soon."  
  
Sudra smiled, "You have my promise that I will relay your message...Sudra out."  
  
Yoda, standing off to the side, tapped his walking stick in approval. "Believed you did, that he lived. Felt his presence you could. Strong you and your padawan are. Your bond, stronger than I had foreseen. A good day this is."  
===================  
  
Qui-Gon spent the next 29 hours, a nervous wreck. The ship was on final approach and would be landing shortly. That fact only made things worse. Unable to sit still, he was getting on Windu's   
last nerves.  
  
"Would you stop that!"  
  
"Stop what?"  
  
Mace was losing patience again. "Fidgeting, you're starting to annoy me."  
  
Trying to sit still, Qui-Gon couldn't help what he was feeling. "I'm sorry Mace, I'm having trouble   
with this waiting. I can't pace because of this damn back pain, so I have to fidget...you know, it's funny, I lecture Obi-Wan all the time about patience, why don't I take the time and listen to myself."  
  
"They'll be here soon Qui...perhaps we should wait for them at the docking bay ...after all, you   
did promise you'd be waiting for him...come on, let's go."  
  
Together the pair walked towards the docks, and within minutes, the ship carrying Kenobi and his search team was approaching the landing pad.  
  
Master Sudra led the way followed closely by Healer Tren and his patient. Obi-Wan was lying on   
the stretcher, bruised and battered, but alive. Qui-Gon was at his side in an instant. Gently he   
took his padawans hand in his own.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I am here. You're safe now. Everything will be okay."  
  
A few stray tears escaped the padawans swollen eyes, but he managed to focus on his masters'   
face.   
  
"Master?"  
  
"Yes, Obi-Wan, I am here. It's all over now." A smile crossed the older Jedi's face, the first   
since this entire nightmare began. "I want you to rest padawan and listen to Healer Tren, he will take good care of you."  
  
Obi-Wan struggled for more words. "Don't...leave me..."  
  
"You need to spend some time in the bacta tank, but I will stay with you and be there when you   
come out. You're never alone my Obi-Wan."  
  
"I heard you...told me to reach out...focus...heard your voice...promised you'd...be here...thank   
you ...master." And he slipped into the blackness that beckoned him.  
=============  
  
Qui-Gon spent the next 2 days staring at the bacta tank that held his student. Content in knowing that Obi-Wan's physical wounds could be dealt with, he allowed himself to sleep.   
  
A few hours later he awoke to a voice in his head. He relaxed when he realized that it was the   
voice of Obi-Wan, a wide-awake Obi-Wan staring at him through the red bacta.  
  
//Master, how long must I stay in here?//  
  
//Not much longer padawan, the healers say you are progressing nicely. The physical injuries you suffered are healing. You will need therapy however when you get out...how do you feel?//  
  
//Claustrophobic, you know how much I hate this tank.//  
  
Qui-Gon laughed. //You do seem to frequent these tanks a bit too often. I believe you are   
scheduled to come out as soon as you awaken.//  
  
//That would be now! Please master, get me out of here.//  
  
He buzzed for the healers.   
===================   
  
Forty minutes later, a soggy, but much cleaner Obi-Wan Kenobi watched Qui-Gon as he spoke with the healers. He figured the conversation was about him. Thankfully, it lasted for only a short time and Qui-Gon turned his attention back to his apprentice.  
  
"We will start therapy tomorrow. And you will be seeing a mind healer as well."  
  
"Master, I don't need a healer inside of my head, I can...."  
  
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Obi-Wan, Healer Tren is concerned about the trauma you may have   
suffered in witnessing Knight Bental's death. You are showing signs of what he calls Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."  
  
"I'm okay, I just don't want to think about those images, they make my head hurt."  
  
"That is exactly the point. You cannot shut the memories away. In order to heal, you must drop   
your shields and open your mind. Do not worry padawan, I will be with you and I am confident   
that together, we can work through this. Okay?"  
  
"Yes, master."  
  
"Good. Now, how about we go home?"  
  
Obi-Wan smiled. "Already?'  
  
"Yes, padawan, Healer Tren is allowing me to take you home, but you will do nothing   
but rest for the remainder of the day, understand?"  
  
"Whatever you say, just get me outta here."  
  
Happy to see at least pieces of his old padawan returning, Qui-Gon helped Obi-Wan into the   
hover chair and they headed for home.  
  
"Master, did you believe I was dead?"  
  
"No, I never did. Everyone tried to convince me otherwise, but as long as I was able to feel your presence, I knew you were still with me."  
  
"I forgot my rock."  
  
"Ah, and that reminds me, we have a birthday to celebrate. If I am not mistaken, you have   
officially grown out of your teen years. And as soon as you are well enough, we will have a little   
talk about that bedroom of yours. How do you find anything in there? Is there a floor?"  
  
"There is, you just have to know where to look for it."   
Obi-Wan's tone turned flat.   
"Master, what would you have done if I was gone, would you have taken another apprentice?"  
  
"No, these past 8 years with you have worn me out. I'm too old to handle these high energy   
padawans. Not to mention that I can see WAY too much of me, in your actions. That cannot be a   
good thing, at least the Council won't think so ...and if you are wondering would I remember you...  
I will always remember you, my Obi-Wan. And I promise you that when I pass on and join the   
force, you will never be alone. I will always walk by your side, as I know you will walk by mine."  
  
"I like that promise. Makes me feel like I am part of a family."  
  
"You are Obi-Wan, you are my family. Just don't forget that I am head of the household and I   
have the power to ground you if you don't clean that room. I don't care how old you are. Got it?"  
  
"Yes, Dad."  
==================  
  
The real pain of recovery would begin tomorrow. For now, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi were content to be in the company of the other. Each had been given the greatest gift one could ask   
for. They had gotten a second chance at life.  
  
END  



End file.
